Attachment therapy for adults
Understanding where your patterns came from can help you change the way you relate to yourself and others.
You may notice yourself repeating patterns in relationships even when you understand, logically, that you want something different.
Maybe you become anxious when someone feels distant, have difficulty trusting that people will stay, or find yourself working hard to keep others happy. Or perhaps closeness feels uncomfortable—you value your independence, struggle to express what you need, or find yourself pulling away when relationships become more vulnerable.
These patterns aren't random.
The ways we learned to experience closeness, safety, emotions, and relationships often have roots in experiences that came long before our current relationships.
Attachment therapy can help you understand those roots—not so that you can stay focused on the past, but so that you can have more choice in how you relate in the present.
You may notice that you…
Become anxious when someone seems distant or less available
Worry that people you love will leave or lose interest
Need reassurance to feel secure in relationships
Overthink changes in someone's mood, tone, or behavior
Put other people's needs ahead of your own
Have difficulty setting boundaries or saying no
Feel responsible for other people's emotions
Struggle to express what you need
Pull away or shut down when emotions become intense
Feel uncomfortable depending on other people
Want connection but feel overwhelmed when someone gets too close
Question whether you're “too much” or not enough
Notice the same relationship patterns repeating even when you want something different
You may recognize yourself in some of these experiences and not others.
Attachment therapy isn't about putting you into a category or reducing your relationships to an attachment “style.” It's about understanding the patterns you've developed, what they may have helped you navigate in the past, and whether they're still serving you now.
What is attachment?
Attachment describes the ways we learn to experience closeness, connection, safety, and dependence within relationships.
Our earliest relationships can influence what we come to expect from other people—and what we learn to do when connection feels uncertain.
For example, we may learn to move toward others when we feel afraid, working harder to maintain closeness or reassurance. Or we may learn to move away, becoming highly independent, minimizing our needs, or creating distance when vulnerability feels uncomfortable.
These patterns aren't character flaws. They often developed for understandable reasons.
As adults, however, strategies that once helped us navigate relationships can sometimes make it harder to experience the kind of connection we want.
when you fear losing connection
how attachment patterns show up in adult relationships
You may feel especially sensitive to distance or changes in a relationship. When someone seems less available, you might become anxious, seek reassurance, overthink what happened, or worry that you're being rejected.
You may also find yourself people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or minimizing your own needs because maintaining the relationship feels especially important.
when closeness feels difficult
You may deeply want connection while also feeling uncomfortable with vulnerability or dependence.
When relationships become more emotionally intimate, you might feel overwhelmed, shut down, focus on your partner's flaws, or feel an urge to create distance. Depending on others—or allowing them to depend on you—may feel uncomfortable.
Some people recognize themselves strongly in one pattern. Others move between the two depending on the relationship or situation.
The goal isn't to find the perfect label. It's to understand what happens inside you when connection feels threatened or vulnerability increases.
when keeping the connection means losing yourself
Sometimes attachment patterns don't look like obvious relationship anxiety.
They may look like being highly attuned to everyone else's emotions while having difficulty identifying your own needs.
You might avoid disappointing people, feel guilty when setting boundaries, take responsibility for how others feel, or adapt yourself to maintain connection.
Over time, this can make relationships feel exhausting. You may become resentful or disconnected from yourself without fully understanding why.
Therapy can help you explore the fears underneath people-pleasing and boundary difficulties while developing a greater capacity to remain connected to yourself within your relationships.
attachment WOUNDS & RELATIONAL TRAUMA
Attachment wounds don't always come from one clearly identifiable traumatic event.
Sometimes they develop through repeated experiences of inconsistency, criticism, emotional disconnection, rejection, conflict, loss, or feeling that certain parts of you weren't welcome within important relationships.
Other experiences may be more overtly traumatic.
Either way, experiences within relationships can shape beliefs about yourself and others—such as whether your needs matter, whether other people can be trusted, or whether closeness is safe.
Understanding these experiences can be an important part of therapy. But insight alone doesn't always change the emotional response.
That's why our work may also include experiential and trauma-focused approaches that help us work with patterns on a deeper level.
attachment and relationship anxiety
Attachment patterns can become particularly noticeable in romantic relationships.
You may fear abandonment, need frequent reassurance, overanalyze your partner's behavior, or find uncertainty difficult to tolerate.
Or you may experience the opposite: as a relationship becomes more serious, you begin questioning your feelings, focusing on potential problems, or wanting to pull away.
Sometimes people move between both experiences—wanting closeness when someone feels distant and wanting distance when someone becomes too close.
Understanding the attachment patterns underneath these reactions can help relationship anxiety begin to make more sense.
How attachment therapy can help
My approach to attachment therapy is relational, trauma-informed, and focused on more than simply understanding your patterns intellectually.
Together, we may explore the relationships and experiences that shaped the way you learned to connect, protect yourself, express emotions, and respond when relationships feel uncertain.
Depending on your experiences and goals, our work may incorporate EMDR, Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy, parts work, somatic approaches, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Therapy may help you:
Recognize attachment patterns as they're happening
Understand the experiences underneath them
Develop greater emotional awareness and regulation
Communicate needs more directly
Set boundaries without overwhelming guilt
Reduce people-pleasing
Feel safer with vulnerability and closeness
Build greater trust in yourself
Develop more secure and connected relationships
The goal isn't to become perfectly secure or never feel activated in relationships. It's to have more awareness, flexibility, and choice in how you respond.
online attachment therapy in washington and california
I provide online individual therapy for adults residing in Washington and California, particularly clients in the Seattle area and in Orange County.
Sessions are held virtually, allowing us to do this work from wherever you are located within the states where I am licensed.
your patterns make sense. they don’t have to define you.
You don't need to fully understand your attachment style or know exactly where your patterns came from before starting therapy.
We can begin with what you're noticing now.
I offer a free consultation where you can share a little about what brings you to therapy, ask questions about my approach, and get a sense of whether working together feels like a good fit.